Self-Sabotage

Sometimes I think I'm a bad person. Not someone who breaks laws or commits acts of violence. But a bad person nonetheless. I've committed several acts of self-sabotage over the years and my most recent one is killing me. If you've read my previous post you're familiar with Grey Shirt and Murse. Murse is a near perfect man. He's a single - as in the mother is not around at all - father raising 3 kids and working four 12's a week. And I slept with Grey Shirt!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! And it wasn't even good. I guess that's what I get for being a bad person. Bad sex. A friend of mine told me that this is a pattern. That I find someone that I like and then I sleep with someone else. That would explain a lot. Like why I've never been married or had an actual long-term, serious, committed, loving, caring relationship. That and I have bad taste in men...I tend to date narcissists and commitment-phobes. Sigh.